A Real Cut Up

I'm going to be out of action for a while, as I've just discovered that I've got some sort of cyst on my spine. Tomorrow, I go in for exploratory surgery - my first day off from work since 2002 - and hopefully will find out that it's either just infected spinal fluid or something equally benign. Yes, I recognize the pun on benign there. Yes, I know it's a cheesy pun. I'm on percoset, though, so I could care less if I made puns about monkeys for the next two weeks straight. Similarly, I could also care less if you hit me with bricks. This is why I hate percoset. I hate being dulled in this fashion.

I hate doctors. I don't trust them one bit. They do too much guesswork. So, I'm really not looking forward to this surgery. When I was hit by a drunk driver in 2000, I had doctors working on my shoulder and upper back (my cyst is on or near the base of my spine), and I generally got the impression that "science isn't really an exact science for these science types," to paraphrase Twelve Monkeys.

Great....

I have two goals with this surgery. (1) I do not want to end up sitting on a goddamned rubber doughnut because some poindexter screwed something up; and (2) I want to continue to deal with this as if it were an annoyance and not something more serious. Point one is probably self-explanatory. Who would want a rubber doughnut? Not me, Dr. Jones. The second point... I just want this to be a one-shot deal. I go in, I get the thing fixed, I leave. Done. Nothing extreme. No "we think this is an indicia of..." sort of crap. I don't want to find out I have a goddamned tumor.

So anyway - I have no idea where I'm going with this - if you email or comment and don't hear back from me for a week longer than usual, please don't take it personally.

In fact, maybe I'll sneak the camera into the hospital and annoy the hell out of the staff.

Raise your hand if you want to see photos of TPB in his hospital gown.

Comments

[Hondo]

Hey, I'm wishing you the best. I hate hospitals too. A couple of years ago I was in for a week for a "procedure" and recently my wife had gall bladder surgery. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

[Hondo]

One more thing. Do you think it's a good or bad idea to let them know you're a lawyer?

[pops]

Percoset?

As Sister Jane Albert used to say when she caught some one chewing gum, "Did you bring enough for everybody?"

Please note that everybody here in far, far, western NJ is holding out a good thought for you.

[j-a]

GOOD LUCK. will email.

[bicyclemark]

Good Luck TPB... give'em hell. And yes.. take photos of stuff you're not supposed to be able to take photos of!

[Rachel Delgado]

Feel better soon! I will pray for you--and yes, I think I'd like to see you in your hospital gown. I like a man in touch with his feminine side; plus, I hear they are recasting Bosom Buddies ;-)

Rachel

[John]

(Raising hand)Me!

[Kathleen]

Good luck and take care.

*raises hand*

[Becky S]

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

[Suzette]

Yes, definately annoy the hell out of the staff - if you can locate any to annoy. Their main job these days seems to be avoiding direct contact with the patients. Hope you are back on the streets soon.

[Kevin]

Good Luck TPB. Hope everything works out for the best.

[Armand]

Best wishes from all your friends at Moleskinerie. Take it easy TPB, Esq.

[Fitz-Hume]

Good luck TPB. Our thoughts are with you.

[Da Goddess]

Photos of you in a gown? YES!

Sorry you have to have surgery again.

As for doctors - there are some things that are exact and routine, there are some things that are not.

I'm only sorry I can't help you out in some manner.

Wishing you all the best!

[Chuck]

Good luck, heal fast, and remember that despite all of modern science's toys and gizmos and drugs, nothing beats puppy licks' curative powers. I'll send Pongo by for a house call if needed. And yes, the hand is raised. More photos of TPB, gowned or otherwise, are needed on the site.

[energy spatula]

Wow, I'll be sending good, happy, healthy vibes your way and I hope it all went well. I hope you have a speedy recovery!

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