I'm going to be out of action for a while, as I've just discovered that I've got some sort of cyst on my spine. Tomorrow, I go in for exploratory surgery - my first day off from work since 2002 - and hopefully will find out that it's either just infected spinal fluid or something equally benign. Yes, I recognize the pun on benign there. Yes, I know it's a cheesy pun. I'm on percoset, though, so I could care less if I made puns about monkeys for the next two weeks straight. Similarly, I could also care less if you hit me with bricks. This is why I hate percoset. I hate being dulled in this fashion.
I hate doctors. I don't trust them one bit. They do too much guesswork. So, I'm really not looking forward to this surgery. When I was hit by a drunk driver in 2000, I had doctors working on my shoulder and upper back (my cyst is on or near the base of my spine), and I generally got the impression that "science isn't really an exact science for these science types," to paraphrase Twelve Monkeys.
I have two goals with this surgery. (1) I do not want to end up sitting on a goddamned rubber doughnut because some poindexter screwed something up; and (2) I want to continue to deal with this as if it were an annoyance and not something more serious. Point one is probably self-explanatory. Who would want a rubber doughnut? Not me, Dr. Jones. The second point... I just want this to be a one-shot deal. I go in, I get the thing fixed, I leave. Done. Nothing extreme. No "we think this is an indicia of..." sort of crap. I don't want to find out I have a goddamned tumor.
So anyway - I have no idea where I'm going with this - if you email or comment and don't hear back from me for a week longer than usual, please don't take it personally.
In fact, maybe I'll sneak the camera into the hospital and annoy the hell out of the staff.
Raise your hand if you want to see photos of TPB in his hospital gown.